Sitting & Healing

Pride will destroy us & make us feel that sitting down when you have been so active in church will kill you. That is far from the truth once, you realize that your health both naturally & in this case spiritually is more important. I have been amongst the chief of sinners all while serving in church. Faced with adversity, I decided to come clean & of course it affected me naturally & spiritually. I had already repented & turned away from the sin a year & a half prior to admitting to those who needed to know, but bc it would effect me in church & mostly my personal life, it was as if it happened the day before. After speaking with my leaders, I expressed that I would sit down & they did indeed sit me down. I experienced anxiety with coming to church & not doing anything bc the enemy wanted me to focus on what others would think rather than focusing on being restored. All this time, (it’s been a few months now), I thought restoration would come through the man & woman of God….bc they are my spiritual parents whom I love & honor…..however, God said it would come directly from Him. Now, after I thought about it, i was not surprised at all because it seemed God did that alot to me so that I would focus more on Him & not the man or woman of God He chose to shepherd me. I have questions, how long will it take? Will I be sat down for the remainder of the year(I actually think this is true bc of a dream I had). In the beginning of the sitting process, I felt unworthy to even pray to God bc of the things I did, but slowly & it’s still a process I began to pray. I would read a scripture a day just to say that I read & to attempt to feel connected to God in some way. How, do I recover from letting God down, letting my family down, & my church family? Only God can do it. As I close my mouth (not talking about or going into details about the situation) as instructed by God & keeping my ears close to His mouth as told just today I realize that sitting ain’t bad. My past can’t hold me hostage unless I allow it to. I am still a woman of God & will still be used by Him in His timing & I refuse to rush the process bc I’m used to being active in church bc at the end of the day I want to be in right standing with God. There’s so much more for me to experience, so much more for me to learn, & so much more to be birthed out of me & I’m going to sit & heal & allow God to do what only He can do through me during this time. The healed & whole Alicia will be much better for it.