Growing up, my mom & grandparents always told me how pretty I was. However, when I was outside of the house I felt everything less than pretty. I never told my mom this but because of my darker skin I always thought I was ugly. I was dark skinned, skinny, with short nappy hair.
Unlike some children, I didn’t grow up wealthy but I didn’t know that until I was older because I was spoiled & got pretty much anything I wanted. So, at home I felt pretty because I was with the people that I knew loved me.
Thinking back my peers never called me ugly or made me feel as if I wasn’t good enough for them because of my darker skin but deep down inside I had that feeling. I would often isolate myself from others becauae I felt that I didn’t fit in with them. I was too dark….with big white eyes and something, no somebody was missing. It all stemed back to growing up seeing my mother & grandparents, but I knew there had to be a daddy somewhere, but he wasn’t in my home.
I think back to those days when I would see some of my friends & cousins with both of their parents but I only had my mom in the home. I never asked my mom why, but of course because God always had his hands on me, the devil ministered to a lil young (ironically that’s my last name) girl and had me to believe that I was ugly because my daddy wasn’t there. I grew up with this mindset all through out school until my last year of middle school.
I met a guy who told me how beautiful I was & when I told him that I wasn’t for the reasons that I believed he showed me why I was & it had nothing to do with sex. It was through him that God opened my eyes to just how beautiful I was & I began to embrace my darker skin.
See, for reasons I don’t know or understand, I wasn’t born to a two parent home. I was born to two young parents..one of which didn’t know how to be the father that I needed as a little girl & because he didn’t know how I thought I wasn’t beautiful to him & thought that was the reason that he didn’t want to be apart of my life.
It all comes back to being rejected. Rejection will have you feeling many different things. I felt that I was ugly all because I thought my daddy didn’t want me & what little girl doesn’t want to be a daddy’s lil girl?
I grew to love the person I saw in the mirror because I had the Love of Yahweh, & he loves me flaws & all. He loves me without conditions. I learned to put my trust in God because He wouldn’t reject me & I had to learn not to reject Him. I had to embrace the love of God in order to come to truly love my dark skin, & to love the image that I see in the mirror.
What lies has the enemy told you about your life that has you feeling rejected or unwanted? Take a minute to cast down every thought that is not of God.
God’s love can’t be explained. There is always a purpose behind why we go through things in life….what is the purpose behind the pain….stay tuned…